This Is What I Love About A Rainy Sunday

• Eating my great grandmother's zucchini bread instead of a real lunch.
• Finally getting around to sorting all those socks at the bottom of the laundry basket.
• Birdwatching on a rainy day is the best. Dozens of finches and cardinals and chickadees and tufted titmice (titmouses??) on the poplar out back plus the red bellied woodpecker that came to visit the newest feeder today. Mmm...suet, anyone?
• My Christmas cactus is blooming. I inherited this plant in the spring and had no idea what it was or what to do with it. Everyone always comments on its perkiness. Now it's covered in red buds.
• Maybe I'll take a nap. Maybe I won't.
• I finished a book that made me want to cry and figured out a few things in the process. (The Mermaid Chair by Sue Monk Kidd if you're wondering).
• I only realized about an hour ago it's only Sunday. We still have the other half of a four day weekend to go.
• I also realized earlier that I've watched my words too carefully on this blog the past few months...something that defeats the whole purpose of posting for me. Not that I have anything provocative to say today or most days. But I thought I should throw out the warning :)
• The best part of today? It's not even close to being over yet.

I Can't Believe I Forgot To Mention The Best Part

What can make an evening more perfect than finding out that there is one other person in the world that knows the song about the Erie Canal? And starts singing it at the exact same moment that you do? I swear we were separated at birth. Otherwise, there is no explanation for the freakishness that is our coincidence.

Mr. Bartender,

That's what I'm talking about! Thanks for the best December 28th/29ishth I've had in recent memory. Even if you did cut my hair with kid scissors. Even if you did make me eat that cookie so I wouldn't be "rude." Even if that piece of Nerds Rope had a bit of CE drool on it. Even if I did lose the last hand of the night. Even if all sentences had to end in Bee-yotch. Even with Debbie Gibson singing it like it should be. It was fun :)

This Is What Procrastination Will Get You

For about two or three years now we've been taking a "back roads" way to get to my dad's house. And, there by the side of one of these rural winding roads is a pair of trees that I love...a giant oak tree - ancient branches spreading out forever and, underneath, a 20 foot straight and tall evergreen. The smaller tree doesn't even begin to reach the lower branches of the oak. The two trees stand together in a field by themselves and remind me of a parent and child every single time we drive past. And every time I wish I had my camera and say that I need to stop and take a picture someday. (Because if you don't know this already, I have a thing for trees).

So, this year we're driving down the road and I look to my left, anxiously awaiting my first glimpse of the trees. I see the top of the oak as we get closer and, then, suddenly we're zooming past and I realize that the evergreen has been cut down. The big tree is standing by itself in the middle of the field now with no one to watch over. Silly that a missing tree would disappoint me so much? Probably. But it did. I wish I had taken that photo...

Remember When I Foolishly Spoke

And said I wasn't going to drive anywhere today? Oh, I was so, so very wrong. Not including errands that I decided not to put off (library, grocery store, pet store) I had to drive an additional 140 miles to pick up my daughter who decided that she was in no way spending another day with her grandparents. Sheesh. No wonder I'm getting nothing done around here...too much time spent in the car this week. And, after all that, I just found out that J used all the dishwasher detergent and forgot to tell me...back to the store I go...tomorrow.

Christmas By Numbers

Number of days spent celebrating so far - 3
Number of days left to go - 1
Number of families visited in 3 days - 4

Sunday, December 23rd - The In-Laws
They came to our house for presents and a show (piano and singing by Noah and Olivia, naturally). Then out to dinner.
Number of carols played on the piano - 3
Number of carols refused by Liv - 3
Number of Hannah Montana songs performed instead by Liv - 2
Number of people we saw at Outback that we knew - 2
Number of people we saw at Outback that we knew and that I had been thinking of only moments before - 1
Number of times we were asked by the Mother-In-Law if we really, honestly, truly liked our gifts - countless

Monday, December 24th - My Dad's House
Number of grown-ups present -13
Number of children present - 8
Number of super shy children that actually sat and talked to me for the first time ever - 1 (thanks, Tuck! I should mention that he couldn't resist me only because I had stickers and glitter glue available for his little 2 year old use)
Varieties of desserts available - 7
Turkeys fried - 2
Height of my "baby" 17 year old cousin - 6'5"
Number of strangers who showed up and whose name I don't remember (Amber? Amanda? Amy?) -1

Tuesday, December 25th - Our House
Smiling faces Christmas morning - 4
Number of cookies Santa ate - 2
Number of amazing priceless gifts received - at least a hundred (A few years ago our computer died without warning and bad, bad me had never backed up our digital pictures. Every baby picture I had of Olivia was lost. For Christmas J called all the grandparents and had them send copies of any baby picture they had of her. Awesomely Awesome. I almost want to cry just thinking about the awesomeness of them all :)

Tuesday Afternoon - My aunt and uncle's house
Number of adults present - 16
Number of children present - 7
Number of dogs -2
Number of real parrots - 1
Number of toy parrots - 1
Number of new people to meet - 3
Number of new people names I remembered - 3!
Number of incredibly shy children who would have nothing to do with me because I no longer had the allure of glitter glue and stickers - 1
Number of whisky sours I had to drink - 1/2 (Mr. Bartender, you really should've been there!!)


Wednesday December 26th - The Wrap Up
Number of Children currently in my house until Friday - 0
Number of Husbands currently in my house until 7pm - 0
Number of dates I will go on tonight - 1 (with above mentioned husband, of course!)
Number of gift cards used today - 1
Items bought with gift card - 5 storage containers in various sizes to hold all the gifty stuff children received and 2 movies (Annie for me. And, um, The Goonies...for me. Because, hey, it was my gift card)
Number of miles traveled since Sunday - 443
Number of miles I'm traveling tomorrow - 0
Days until next Christmas - 365

Time's A'Tickin'

There's so much I wanted to post about today. But time is growing short and I don't think I have time to organize all the randomness floating around in my head. Instead, I'll save it for another day and just wish you all a Merry Christmas, safe journeys, and good times with family and friends. Sleep tight :)

How Many More Layers Can I Add?

I've decided that the reason I keep going to bed so early each night is not because I'm so sleepy. It's because I'm so freakin' cold! And without any good TV to give me a reason to suffer through the frostbite, I just head to my warm toasty bed. And please, please don't tell me to layer. J tried to give me that advice the other day..."If you layered like me you'd be fine." Ok, so I sit here at night in a tshirt, sweatshirt, zip-up hoodie (hood up), with 2 pairs of socks and slippers plus pj pants and you tell me to add more layers? I don't think I'd be able to move. It's a fact of life, once November hits, I'm not warm until April and even then sometimes I get chilled at night...even in summer. And while I'd like to think it's because I keep the thermostat set low, no one else complains and the kids can't keep their blankets on at night so it's just me. I'm the big cold freak. With the really, really warm heart...of course :)

My Couch Is Not Red

I don't own a magical couch like the one next door...the one with the power to make everything better. In fact, I don't even own a share of this miracle sofa. My couch doesn't cure hangovers, calm children, or make insomniacs sleep. My couch is just an ugly old couch. But, somehow, last night, for one evening only, my friendly little couch became a perfect red couch and I fell asleep before 10. Niiiiiiiiiiiice.

Perils Of Obsessive Listmaking

Suddenly you realize that it's Wednesday and although the things on your list for the week are being crossed off at a decent pace, you begin to remember things that you forgot to add to the list in the first place. In fact, your list has just grown by another 100% because you're dumb and forgetful...the whole reason you had a list to begin with...

But, on the bright side, here's a little secret: When you volunteer to help sort out the cookies for the preschool cookie exchange while all the kids are on a field trip, the teacher helping you begs, pleads, asks time and again for you to eat a cookie or two. And, let me tell you, I like me some cookies.

Willpower? What Willpower?

Ever get an idea in your head and you know it's a bad one? And the more you think about it the more you realize it's a bad idea and the more you want to do it anyway? You can kid yourself all you want and maybe even delay the action a little bit but, really, who are you fooling?

I'm having one of those mornings.

Sometimes There Is No Title

Although I can pinpoint it all to an exact moment, the biggest difference, the most important of all, is happening now.

How Do I Know It's Almost Christmas?

1. I almost doubled my grocery budget for the week because I had to pay for the joy that is holiday baking. I'm always shocked by the price of a cart loaded down with things like chocolate chips, M&Ms, brown sugar, sweetened condensed milk, etc, etc. Oh, and the all important Whiskey Sours Mix :)
2. I keep running into people that say crazy things. I think almost everyone I know has, ha ha ha, forgotten to use all their vacation time this year and, ha ha ha, has to take the rest of the month off. I'm sorry, I like you, but you are completely insane. How do you forget about vacation time???

But you know what? I really, honestly, love this time of year :)

I Was Going To Cheer And Dance

Happy for the fact that my Powers Of Suggestion apparently work for football. Sorry, losing team :) However, after Friday I've learned that being too excited about good fortune (aka the shininess) only leads to heartbreak. So, instead I'm just gonna say "Good Game."

It's A Happy Anniversary

Ok, so it turns out that a Saturday is much better than a Friday. Jennifer, thanks for your comments. They made me laugh out loud. And, just so you know, I'm a big fan of Peep and hilarious crap found in basements, also :)

So, life moves on; it's our 11th anniversary and all is back to pretty good with the world. Because, as they say, it's only money, right??? And, after getting Chinese food for lunch today, I realized the source of my Friday pain. It was right there in front of me (well, wrapped up in a little fortune cookie...) "You may fall into a spell of shininess. Don't buy it." I think that's exactly what happened. I fell into the shininess and it kicked me in the butt. But, thanks to great friends and an absolutely amazing family, everything's gonna be all right.

Happy Saturday, Everybody.

And Then God Laughed

Unfortunately, He and I don't always share the same sense of humor.

Also, good to note, I can't throw up on command. No matter how much I think I want to. Tears are easier. So, that was the choice for today. Here's hoping that tomorrow is much less emotionally exhausting. I could use a little break before the next curveball...

Friday Starts Off With The Biggest Curveball So Far

I'm not sure whether to cry or throw up. Maybe I'll do both.

It's Not From A Song But I Like It

The aim of life is to live, and to live means to be aware, joyously, drunkenly, serenely, divinely aware. ~Henry Miller

What Is It About Thursdays That Brings Out The Psycho In Me?

Ever had one of those mornings where you wake up and everything is good? It's only 10 in the morning and I've spent the last couple of hours singing random Christmas songs, talking to the birds outside, and chatting with strangers at the grocery store. Have you ever been in such a great mood that you can't contain yourself? Me neither. I'm kinda creepin' myself out...

And Then There Was Napping

Beauty of more sleep

the bed presents its right side

midday do-over

What says thank you for miraculously allowing my child to fall asleep better than a poorly conceived haiku?

Exactly.

I Have Never Seen A Child So Grouchy. Ever.

All I'm saying is if we both survive this day I deserve a giant shiny gold medal. AAAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHHHH.

That's How It Goes

78 minutes of my life I will never get back. A tired arm and a sore neck. Not one Christmas card addressed. Mother-in-laws are...never mind.

This Time I'm Serious (or 2008 Is My Year)

Every year around this time something magical takes place. Without fail, we take time to watch our favorite Christmas movies. There's something about working on Christmas presents or wrapping or just sitting around with a cup of Earl Grey and watching classics like It's a Wonderful Life, Miracle on 34th Street, and National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation. One of my favorites is White Christmas. I can't get enough of the music, the look Danny Kaye gives Bing Crosby when he rubs his arm, the elaborate costumes, just the whole cheesy thing. I love it. But, my very favorite part is the showgirl who says in her nasally, grating voice "Mutual, I'm sure." Every single time it cracks me up and every single year I boldly declare "I'm totally going to start saying that!" And, then, every single year, I forget. But, this time I'm serious. This time I'm dedicated. 2008 is going to be the year where I will bring "Mutual, I'm sure" back to common usage. You've been warned. Mutual, I'm sure...

Oh, And Also

Good news for a Monday? I think my Powers Of Suggestion may have returned after a very long absence. I have so much Suggestin' to catch up on...

Apropos Of Nothing. Really.

I finally figured it out. It's not that I can't read people; I'm just incredibly slow and move my lips too much when I'm doing the reading.

A Word Of Warning

Before you watch your Christmas home movie from 3 years ago, remember two things:

1. You will be shocked and amazed at how much thinner and younger you look. In fact, your husband may look like another person and you may find yourself staring at the amazing cheekbones that used to reside on your own face.
2. After hearing your then 17 month old daughter yell "Daddeeeeee!!!" and see her dance awkwardly around the living room, you will look at your spouse and say "Oh my gosh, I want another baby." Scarily, your spouse will say "Me too!!"

If these things happen to you, grab your nearest bottle of alcohol and drink deeply until your senses return.

Darn You, Barbara Walters

Every year you suck me in with your promise of the year's MOST FASCINATING PEOPLE. And, I know better. I really do. The people are rarely fascinating and the interview clips are random bits of fluffiness. This year I vowed that you wouldn't get me. I was going to be strong and turn my back on you. But, you know me. You knew that I'd be emotionally drained after watching Grey's Anatomy and unable to resist your preshow clips featuring Justin Timberlake, the Beckhams and the promise of an amazing NUMBER ONE MOST FASCINATING PERSON. So, you know what I did, Barbara? I sat through the whole thing. I watched you ask Justin where the sexy had been before he brought sexy back. I watched you ask Bill Clinton if he would host the White House Easter Egg Hunt if Hillary won. I watched you ask Don Imus if he thought he should've been fired (well, actually, if I'm being honest I had almost completely zoned out by this point). I managed to find focus when you asked Victoria and David Beckham if they want more kids. (Because really, how could I go on without knowing that he'd like 2 more and she doesn't?) I even sat through Hugo Chavez talking about Pres Bush having the intelligence of a donkey. Barbara, I sat through them all knowing that you would reward me in the end. And, what did you do? Did you make my hour long patience worthwhile (and you know I'm not a patient person, Barbara!) No, you ended by announcing that J.K.Rowling was the NUMBER ONE MOST FASCINATING PERSON. And while it's no secret that I enjoy the HP from time to time (I mean, really, I read the last book two times in a row), I was highly disappointed that the one person you didn't actually interview with silly questions was your NUMBER ONE MOST FASCINATING PERSON. Sheesh! This is an hour I will never ever get back. Never. Ever. Next year, Barbara, next year I will resist you and your commercials. Unless you come on right after Grey's Anatomy...

Another Thing That Made Me Happy Today

In addition to the IM half-marathon with the infamous GooseWarrior/parenting coach, this conversation helped make my day better, too:

Noah: Happy Early Anniversary! (my wedding anniversary is the 15th)
Me: Thanks, Buddy
Liv: What's an anniversary?
Me: It's the day that Daddy and I celebrate the day we got married. This year we'll have been married for 11 years.
Liv: Oh my gosh! And you're still alive????
Me: Yep, can you believe it?
Liv: I hope Daddy is still alive, too.

I Needed Another Addiction

and this one had perfect timing. And you know how much I love perfect timing.

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/all/

But I Don't Know What Else To Do

You know what sucks? Wondering if you're a decent parent. Today is turning into one of those days where I worry that I've screwed it all up.

Ok, I'll Give You That

One good thing about today's snow - the frenzy of birds feeding at the deck feeder today. The usual gang is here: cardinals, the little tufted titmouse, chickadees and blue jays. And, they actually seem to be getting along today. All 6 cardinals were sitting together nicely, something I haven't seen since they were fledglings. The returning favorites are finally back, too - dark eyed juncos (so great to watch playing in the snow) and the mini flocks of purple finches. We got a new guy this morning, too. A little downy woodpecker. Since he actually scooped out a spot in the discarded sunflower shells and settled in for a good 10 minutes, puffed up to keep warm, I'm guessing he'll be back.
I still have my headache but the birds are making the snow more tolerable than I thought.

Why, Weatherman, Why?

Did you have to pick today to be right about the weather? I'm not interested in snow today for lots o' incredibly good (or at least selfish) reasons. Besides, don't you know that it never snows in December in central VA? We like to wait until January or February. And, of course, we love to save the biggest freak snowstorms until March. I know it's not a lot of snow but it's white enough to give me a headache today. Can you come back in a few weeks? That'd be great. Thanks. I promise that then I will be excited to see you.

Early Evening Conversations

So we're sitting in front of the TV watching the riveting "Drake and Josh" on Nickelodeon when a commercial comes on for "Polar Express." Liv decides she needs to let us know we already own the movie by jumping up and down and yelling at the TV, "We know, We know." Simultaneously, the three of us begin expressing our love for this awesomely awesome movie and so, of course, I throw out the comment that Ms. M, next door, does not like this movie at all. And Livvie, Ms. M's biggest supporter (because M can do no wrong in Liv's eyes) declares, "Oh my gosh, she really is an alien." I cracked up, causing Noah to ask, "Mom, how did you always know she was an alien?" I run down the short list: she doesn't enjoy chocolate or songbirds or newborns or "The Polar Express." How can she possibly be human? Noah, looking thoughtful, nods and says "She must not have told Mr. C before they got married. Otherwise, he wouldn't have married an alien. That's weird."

Is there anything better than random conversations with your kids? :)

Today It Was "Head Over Feet"

It seems so strange to me, the way memory works. I'm guessing it's no surprise to anyone to hear that music is a big memory cue for me. I hear a song on the radio that I haven't heard for years and suddenly I remember a time and place, a specific moment or specific person that I was with when I heard the song. Today, Alanis Morissette came on singing "Head Over Feet" and I was instantly taken back to a conversation in a 7-11 parking lot during a rare bright moment of Evil Summer '96. The whole thing segued into me thinking about the power of the sense of smell. I know research says that so much of our memory is based on smell but it still bowls me over when I smell something (I've never figured out what it is) that reminds me of being in preschool. And then, just recently, the memory evoked by a particular scent made me almost forget to breathe. I had to decide whether or not to stay and try to maintain my composure or run away from it; the memory was so strong and unexpected. Maybe someone should tell me it's all just more proof that I remember too much, think about too much, live inside my head too much? Better yet, tell me it's like that for everyone...

That's The Word I've Been Looking For

Bittersweet.

It's only a few days late.

Another Perfect Weekend Comes To An End

It couldn't have been any better. Everything I love about December was wrapped up in this one little weekend and I think everyone else agreed. Tonight, when it was all over, I don't think I was the only one wondering how it went by so fast. Both kids were hit with the melancholy of J leaving and the beginning of a new week. I can only hope that a little of the weekend stays with them this week and carries us through until Friday.

Funniest Thing To Wake Up To On A Saturday Morning

So, now we know. If you are reading my blog you are a freakin' genius...just like me.

Grouchy?

Who me? No way. But I am a little sad to realize that since our neighbors across the street have moved away this week, no one will be peeping into my windows. Who's gonna say things like "I saw you dancing in your living room last night" or "Your light was on really early this morning."

But, on the plus side...at least no one will be peeping into my windows any more. Well, except the stalkers and aliens, I mean...

Strike Two

Just when I think I've recovered from the first curve ball that tripped me up, another one comes out of nowhere. I should've made time to warm up before the game.

As Promised

A Christmas song for you, Mr. Bartender...

This year for Christmas

There's something I'd really like

So if you're up there somewhere Santa

Please don't bring me another bike

I don't need any ugly sweaters

And I don't play much basketball

But there's something kinda special

That I want most of all...

I want an alien for Christmas

Bring me an alien this year

I want a little green guy

About three feet high

With seventeen eyes

Who knows how to fly

I want an alien for Christmas this year

I Want An Alien For Christmas - Fountains of Wayne

Ugh

The Thanksgiving binge continues. Because I'm married and both families live within driving distance, every year we are forced to endure two Thanksgivings. So this weekend we are visiting J's family and eating everything all over again; deliciously undoing any healthy eating habits I've had for the past few months. But, seriously, when you are offered lemon, pumpkin, coconut, chocolate and apple pie how are you supposed to have one slice? It's not humanly possible. I guess this means I'll be running every day for the next 3 months. 1 month per slice of pie. Yes, if you're keeping track at home, I ate 3 pieces of pie. UGH. UGH. UGH. The good news? I'm still Pictionary Champion of the Earth.

Tomorrow...a special episode of random lyrics dedicated to my friend, Mr. Bartender. Stay tuned.

Blast From The Past

So this evening I was checking my email, irrationally hoping that someone wants to buy our truck on this day after Thanksgiving. Why go shopping at 5am when you can just buy our truck, right? Makes sense to me. Anyway, on a whim I glanced at my draft folder, pretty sure that there was nothing in there. Um...completely wrong. There was an email in there I'd started in February....2001. It was one of the those random, stream of consciousness emails that I used to compose and then immediately delete after my anger, sadness, giddiness, whatever had passed. (No one ever said I wasn't a dork). Apparently this one needed extra time to process. Almost 7 extra years to be exact.

Hmmm...since I can't even figure out what it's about I'm thinking it's almost time to delete it. Maybe I'll give it another few weeks or so...just in case...

Happy Thanksgiving

I have so much to be thankful for today (and everyday). I remember last year at this time Liv told me that she was grateful for the letter I. This year I asked her about it and she said that I is not that important anymore but she is thankful for her eye. Preschoolers are so awesome.

Other good things to be thankful for today:

1. Spending time with my family (I couldn't ask for better). And, confirming once again that I have the cutest niece and nephews in the world. Thanks for hanging out with me, Baby T :)
2. Dogs that act like they've won the lottery when I walk through the door. And I wasn't even hiding a cookie in my pocket.
3. Delicious dinner cooked by my little cousin, The Supermodel. If that's her first time in the kitchen, she's a freakin' cookin' prodigy.
4. A grandmother who chastised us all for talking about tattoos and then kept asking for margaritas and a younger man, "a freaky one." She's so crazy :)
5. An uncle who never gets tired of asking about my porn collection. For years he's been under the impression that I have a big hidden stash of porn (which i don't) and every year I play along. 6. Pumpkin cake and German Chocolate pie.
7. The drive to Jim and Julie's where we learned that J's biggest childhood disappointment was that the letter B was not the third letter of the alphabet.
8. 75 degrees in November!!!!!
9. Making imaginary plans for when we have lots o' money. Oh, so many plans!
10. Health, Happiness, Love, Laughter, Food on the table, Shelter from the storms, Friends and Family.

What more could I possibly need?

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone. I hope your day was wonderful, too.

Mystery Cat Does Not Take Rejection Well

But, really, who does? I walked out on the deck this afternoon and found that one of my bird feeders had been knocked to the ground. Plastic shards and sunflower seeds everywhere. Lovely. The crazy thing is that the 2 nails that were holding the feeder to the deck railing are still there, still straight, still exactly how they've always been. So maybe it wasn't Mystery Cat? Maybe it was those dern aliens again? How else to explain how the feeder was lifted up off the nails and thrown over the side?

Who Is Creepier?

The Mystery Cat and his morbid gifts or the stalker neighbor who watches Mystery Cat sneaking around my house? Or me, who thinks that maybe there can never be too much stalking? ;)

What's Better Than Secret Posting?

Posting more than the recent norm when your non-blogging life is extra busy. Now that is worth chuckling about. And secretly chuckling makes my Monday a lot better.

Dear Mystery Cat,

I want you to know how much I appreciate your heartfelt gifts. The bird foot and pile of feathers you left on the front porch last week were such a surprise. I felt bad for removing them so quickly. Please know I put them in a very special place.
And then, this morning, a Monday morning no less, you brought me a perfectly intact, un-chewed on, dead mole. It was so lovely to find this on my sidewalk when I stepped outside.
Dear Mystery Cat, I do not know why I have become the object of your affection. Surely I do not deserve such beautiful gifts that must have taken you so much time and effort to pick out for me. But, Mystery Cat, ours is a love that can never be. Perhaps, and I say this gently, you should move on to someone who will be better able to give you the attention you need. I hear my neighbors really, really love cats...

I'll miss you.

Fondly,

MML

2 Things For Today

1. Drinking lots of margaritas and eating chips and salsa while playing poker late into the evening do not make for an easy run the next day. But, you know what? I got out there anyway. That's 3 days in a row, Perpetual Runner. And 3 is a good number to start with. So, thanks for the inspiration.

2. I woke up this morning singing the song I couldn't remember last night after the previously mentioned margaritas. So, here you go:

Come on get higher

Loosen my lips

Faith and desire

And the swing of your hips

Just pull me down hard

And drown me in love

I miss the sound of your voice

The loudest thing in my head

And I ache to remember

All the violent, sweet, perfect words that you said.

-Come on Get Higher - Matt Nathanson

It's Officially The End Of An Era

I found out this morning that one of my very best and oldest friends has become a dad! Two perfect baby girls! Congrats! I love you, R :)

Why Can't The Days Be Longer?

The differences between mid-August and mid-November are staggering. Time passes too quickly. Cold air arrives too soon. I told you I'm not good with change.

5 Things You May Not Know

1. I never cry at sad movies no matter how much I want to. But I cry in the shower more than I'd ever admit.
2. I don't have a favorite song, book, movie, or food. But, I do like the color blue, the number 4, the Orioles, and the gloaming.
3. Although I'm a constant list maker, the biggest decisions in my life have always been made spontaneously.
4. I'm eternally optimistic that I can change.
5. Most of the time I don't want to be the MML.

It Sneaks Up Beside Me, Quiet And Quick

There is always too much to say. And, somehow, it still takes me by surprise.

I Can Only Shake My Head And Laugh (a.k.a - I Think This Explains It All)

Phone call with J tonight: Hey, guess what? I got you something.

Me: Oh yeah, what is it?

J: A hardhat.

And, no, he's not kidding.

You've Gotta Love 8 Year Old Boys

Funniest thing overheard in my house this evening:

Noah to Liv: I don't have boobies. Just nibbles.
Me: Um, I think you mean nipples, buddy.
Noah: Oh yeah, same thing.

At Least It's Something

One day is better than none, right?

Shaky legs are awesome. Even if it is only exercise that caused it.

Dear Perpetual Runner,

Thank you for reminding me that I've been ignoring reality lately. I've been trying not to think too much about it because it gives me giant headaches. But, the truth is I'm a lazy slacker and should be reminded of this often. Somewhere there must be motivation that actually works for me. I just can't seem to find it. This has been my story for a long time now. Ideas, suggestions, punches in the neck? All are welcome. Otherwise, I'm taking a nap.

P.S. - Thanks for making sure my heart was working this morning. Judging by the thumping that occurred after you scared me, I'm thinking it's doing just fine.

What Number Are We On?

Looking out the window this afternoon, I'm suddenly wishing for an EP. Number 6? 7? I've lost track. Sure, the sky is gray. And, yes, I realize it's November. But, there are two gigantic piles of sticks from where the guys have been losing the battle against the beaver dam. They would make a bonfire that would last until the sun came up. And give plenty of light for the C.E. Interpretive Dance Number. And, really, what more do you need? The tequila has been feeling lonely.

If Only I Could Skip The Sleeping Part

I love night. I'm never going to be a morning person. It's just not physically possible. 4pm until 5am is when I am the happiest. But when your house is completely dark and you have to go to sleep it can get a little creepy playing single mom. Last night I went to bed and there was absolutely no light in the house. Complete, can't-see-your-hand-in-front-of-your-face darkness. Which would have been great, fine, ok until the noises started. The creaky floor noises. Ok, so the floors upstairs are a little creaky. But, as far as I know, someone has to step on the floor to make it creak. And, I know what you're thinking: it was one of our cats. Cats that like to freak me out because they think it's funny. But, both cats were on the bed with me asleep. And the floor creaked really loudly. Twice. So, at this point, I figure I have two options...1. Call a neighbor to come over and look for creaky, scary somethings walking around my house or 2. Shut my eyes and pretend that I didn't hear a thing. Because I'm lame but not that lame, I chose option two. Eventually I even fell asleep. Of course, I had terrible dreams and woke up in one of those moments where you're trying to scream but no sound comes out except maybe a teeny tiny little "eeeeeeeee" but that's a whole different story. The point is...I'm not that lame.

Maybe My Timing/Luck/Mojo/Whatever Has Returned

I was up for potential jury duty again tomorrow and as we got home this afternoon I had this sinking feeling in my stomach. This is the first day that I've forgotten to arrange babysitting before finding out if I'd be called in or not. After 4 times not being called in, I was pretty sure they'd need a jury tomorrow (because that's just how these things work when you're a pessimist). So, I called and sure enough the lady's voice on the message says "Listen carefully. If your name is called, be at court by 9:15 tomorrow morning." And then she starts reading a list of what seems like 800 names. And not one of them is mine or sounds like a mangled version of mine. I'm not sure how I missed being on the list but I'm grateful. Next time, the 27th, I'll go back to being my preplanning, obsessive list making self and be prepared. That'll guarantee I don't get called in...

The Best Way To Waste A Morning

Liv discovered my dirty little secret this morning. I still own the Ms. Pac Man game I received for Christmas when I was 8. And, amazingly, it still works. Just as amazing, it's still addictive. So, bad mommy that I am, instead of doing educational things we spent our morning improving our hand-eye coordination by playing the video game I received in 1983...

But What I Do Know

is that I'm the master of chocolate cake making. Seriously. It completely rocked the casbah. Next Tres Leches experiment...strawberry.

The Problem With Mothers

coming to stay with you is that they like to snoop. Even when you're an adult. They still look through your stuff. And that really bugs me. Hope you found something good, Mom.

Early Evening Car Conversation

Noah: It's 5:55. Make a wish.
Me: I don't wish on 5:55, buddy.
Noah: What about 12:34?
Me: Nope. Never.
Noah: Oh, you only wish on 11:11?
Me: I don't even wish on that lately.
Noah: Why not?
Me: Well, because none of my wishes were ever coming true. Not even one.
Noah: That's why you have to keep wishing the same thing over and over.
Me: I did. Everyday for about 2 straight months. And Nothing.
Noah: (with very serious face) You really need to work harder at it.
Me: Oh
Nana: What did you wish for over 2 months?
Noah and I (in unison): Can't tell!!!!!!!!!!
Nana: It was probably about Hugh Laurie.*
Noah: Who's that? Oh, your boyfriend?
J: Oh geez...**

*For the record, I've never wished about Hugh Laurie. But I think it's great that my mom would think I'd, at age 32, use wishes on celebrities. Then again, I am a 32 year old woman contemplating wishes so maybe she's not that far off...
**This comment is made all the better since Noah had told J the day before that it was ok that I liked Hugh Laurie because he's rich and British. And that's not a bad thing for a dad to be. "But, don't worry, Dad. I'd still choose you."

It's Finally Friday, Right?

Ahhhhh, after a mediocre week and a bad start to the morning (why can't my kids get along when they are at home?) my ranting is done (sorry Noah. I know that "fine" is how you deal with tears). I forgot today is Friday and Friday is supposed to be good. After all, there is birthday cake to be made (and eaten). And you can't go wrong with a chocolate tres leches cake.

And You Know I'm Not A Good Guesser

Teeny-Tiny Minor Rant Of The Day: I'm getting tired of people telling me they're fine when they are so obviously not. Just say it already! It can't be any worse than what I'm already thinking.

I Know Why You're Not Blinking

There's an eyeball on my ceiling. It's a gooey, sticky eyeball and it's staring at me. It's not a real eye but it seems to look right through me. I'm finding it slightly disconcerting. Maybe it's chastising me for my inappropriateness and the uncomfortable feeling it seems to cause these days. So, now it's my turn to feel uncomfortable because there is a fake eyeball hanging from my ceiling, staring, glaring at me. Lesson learned: Inappropriate = bad. Appropriate = Fine (i.e - bleh).

I've got to get a chair so I can get that thing down. It's creeping me out.

The Good Thing About A Restless Night

Last night was another one of those nights when I couldn't sleep. I'm sure it had something to do with the fact that I took a nap yesterday trying to fight off my migraine. But, the positive part of the constant waking/sleeping/waking was that I remembered several of my very strange dreams. They were all over the place ranging from unexpected conversations to Vanilla Vodka and Pepsi to finding bananas on the counter unexpectedly to undressing in front of windows.

After looking at that list, I'm thinking Freud would have a field day with me. At least no one could accuse my dreams of being too subtle. Though, really, the bananas on the counter could just be because I ran out of bananas for my cereal last night. No matter what dreammoods.com says...

Time For Another Episode Of Random Lyrics

The drive to town this evening had so many choices...DMB, Ryan Shaw, Lily Allen. They were all so good that I almost couldn't choose. But, then, the Beatles came on and the decision was made for me.

I never give you my pillow

I only send you my invitation

And in the middle of the celebrations

I break down.

Carry That Weight - Beatles

Obvious Lesson For The Day

Procrastination does not pay. Yesterday, after spending most of my time straightening up the house for a showing, I found out that the people needed to reschedule for today. Great! That gives me time to veg out, watch tv and get to bed early. Look at that, I even have time to waste on surfing the Internet and catching up on my blog reading. Because, really, why not put it off? All I had left to do was laundry folding (and putting away), dishes and counter cleaning, cleaning out the bird cage, and sweeping. All the other stuff was done and the house actually looked pretty decent. So, I put it off. I actually went to bed at the insane early hour of 10:00. And, then, lucky me, I woke up this morning with a headache. Not even a regular, little, easy to ignore headache. Nope, a this will be a migraine no matter what you do headache. So, now, after medicine and napping and lots of water, I'm unable to make myself finish the cleaning. The headache has moved in and refuses to budge. It's letting me know that a) I'm not really an alien (no matter what CBAD thinks) and they're now pinging the chip implanted in my head, too or b) I am an alien and this is my punishment from the Mother Ship for not denying it vehemently enough yesterday and apparently giving my secret away. Either way, it stinks and I have to get back to my cleaning. If only I had just one more day...

Seven Reasons Why Tuesday Turned Out To Be Better Than Monday

In no particular order:

1. Hugh Laurie visits my TV on Tuesday nights.
2. A surprise pay raise means that maybe we can pay the unexpected speeding ticket
3. Nobody in the house is running a fever.
4. An IM half-marathon. Placating or not, I liked it.
5. Interesting ice cream flavors (Breyer's Caramel Pretzel)
6. Someone wants to look at our house.
7. A mostly tear free, whine free day (The kids were pretty good, too :).

Tuesday Has To Be Better

There is a reason people don't like Mondays. Too many things go wrong on Mondays. Unexpected trips to the airport, unexpected speeding ticket from an unexpectedly uncalibrated speedometer, unexpected illness striking Liv, unexpected phone calls, unexpected request for more money resulting in an unexpected drop in the already depleted bank account, unexpected beavers unexpectedly working overtime on an unexpected rainy night. I've already promised that I won't be throwing any more curveballs for a long, long time so, please, Tuesday, be nice and only hold happy surprises. We could use a few.

The Ump Calls It

It's Ball 1 and the pitcher has been caught throwing with closed eyes. It's a rookie mistake. She forgot to focus on the game at hand and ignore the sounds of the crowd, noisy and demanding in the stands. Hopefully, the batter will realize, take a deep breath, and willingly step back up to the plate for the second pitch.

Because I Never Have Time To Say It, I'm Saying It Now

You know, the thing I miss the most is that mysterious sense of ease that came with post-midnight conversations and freakish mutual mind reading. It just stood up and walked away without saying goodbye, leaving me to wonder what the heck happened and wishing I too knew the secret to forgetting the early days of friendship.

Every Song On The Radio Is Playing For Me

Too often I have those days when I'm driving the car and every song I hear is saying exactly what I'm thinking, saying all the things that I want to hear, saying all the things that I want to say. But, in reality, you know that if you said these same words aloud to an actual person you'd only come off sounding like a fool. In a perfect world, the song would be your words and they would come out right and be taken the way they should be taken. In a perfect world.

This weekend I ran across a blog that was entertaining and cute and funny. I flipped through several times over several days, reading random posts, just getting a feel for the writer until I found a string of posts that dealt completely with the back story of the blogger. Suddenly, she was like the songs on the radio. The pages I read could've been my life in more dramatic fashion. I knew her. I was her. So, I sat there, throat aching, eyes stinging reading this blog that completely spelled out my song. And the words were exactly what they should've been. But, like the lyrics on my drive home, the words weren't mine.

I Don't Say This Nearly As Often As I Need To

So I'm gonna post it again. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

It's become obvious to me how grumpy I can get when I don't feel well. Ugh. Grrr. Grrr. Grrr.

What's Worse?

The knowing or the not knowing? I wish I could decide.

I Got A Rock

Hands down, for me the best part of Halloween isn't the costumes or the candy (though that's a very close second). Without question it's the tradition of coming in from the chilly fall air after gathering insane amounts of junk food to settle into pj's so we can watch "It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown." I don't know what's better - watching N roll around laughing on the floor barely able to breathe or the cute way Liv says "Snoofy." Whatever it is, I'm smitten. Completely head over heels in love with this way to end a Halloween night.

"I don't see how there could be a pumpkin patch any more sincere than this one." - Linus

This Is The Kind Of Thing I Could Get Behind

http://www.nanowrimo.org/eng/whatisnano

Anything that declares "Make no mistake: You will be writing a lot of crap. And that's a good thing" is pretty damn awesome. Because writing a lot of crap is something I can do.

Mediocre American Novel here I come.

Ouch

My powers of persuasion are seriously lacking these days. I'm not sure if I should laugh or be crushed. J is spending the week working only an hour and a half away. Just like normal, he decided to get a hotel room close to where he was working. It wasn't until it was brought to my attention that I even thought this was odd. So, of course, I decided I might as well give him a hard time and ask why he's not coming home every night. The answers I got were mildly...well, lame. The first was the fact that he'd have to get up at 4:30 every morning. Ok, that I can understand. The second is that he didn't know how late he'd be working every night. (Can I just state that he hasn't worked past 3:30 any day this week?). Needless to say, I lost the debate. No big deal. Until I get a phone call today saying he's going to be home every night for the rest of the week. The reason - not because I asked. Nope, it's because a RR guy told him he should. Ahh, the power of the RR guys. I'm completely jealous.

Because It's Been Too Long

Overdue random lyrics for today. The whole song is great but I'll cut it down to just a bite.

I promise I might

Not walk on by

Maybe next time

But not this time

Even though I know

I don't want to know

Yeah I guess I know

I just hate how it sounds

One Thing - Finger Eleven

All Good Things Must Come To An End

It was bound to happen sooner or later. The perfectly perfect weekend streak couldn't be forced to go on any longer. Even me, who is too easy to please, who uses words like awesomely awesome and great and good and "best ever" without regard to the average-ness of everyday life can only rate this weekend as ok. But I still say ok is better than fine...

A Little Charring Is Good For The Soul

At least that's what I'm telling myself since I managed to burn no one's dinner but my own. Yum.

Maybe, Maybe Not

Things are more complicated on the inside than they appear on the outside. Or maybe I just make them that way. Either way I can't explain it.

Rambling And Randomness

* If you haven't realized by now that I love rain you need to pay better attention. But, now, after 3 days of nothing but rain, I'm just about done. I'm as frizzy and cold and stuffy as I'm gonna get. My hands and feet are never warm in the fall and winter and the rain makes my allergies bloom all over again. So, here's hoping tomorrow is drier.

*But my cold is long gone.

* In other news, I've apparently finally adjusted to sleeping alone. I found myself dead center in the bed this morning using both pillows. Getting used to this probably means that we'll sell the house next week and I'll have to readjust all over again. Which is more than fine by me!

* Kid quotes of the day (and it's still early afternoon): "I don't need an umbrella because I'm a man. A big, strong man." and "I want Noah to punch me in the face so he'll get in trouble." What I must miss while they're at school...

Hmm...

I always thought it was a blacklight that revealed the secrets. But, apparently green tells even more. Still, I'm not convinced. Because if I'm an alien that means it would be silly for me to call for help when aliens are in my house setting off the smoke detector and breaking the A/C. I'm not sure I'm ready to give up on the possibility of neighborly rescue just yet.

If Anyone Asks

Tell them I was in a fight and won. Because that's much more exciting than the truth about my swollen bruised knuckle. Who knew a door frame could be so hard when you unintentionally smack into it? Graceful, that's what I am.

Old Habits Die Hard

I found myself unable or maybe just unwilling to sleep last night. Who would've thought I'd be able to sit outside in a tshirt and pajama pants in the middle of the night in October and be perfectly comfortable? Watching the clouds move across the sky and listening to the sounds of a sleeping neighborhood reminded me of my sleepless summer. And while the damp night air was not helpful to the cough I'm diligently trying to fight, it was good to return there for a little while.

Raising My Hand

How do you measure the distance when all your force and energy is put into simply standing still? Because, sometimes, no matter what the physics books say, that's the hardest work of all.

To The Perpetual Runner

Today

In the gray cloudy silence

I took for myself

I thought about you

And your running

Wondering what it is

You are running to

Or, maybe,

Running from

I Knew Tuesdays Were Good

Found out tonight that I don't have to show up for jury duty tomorrow. That means Tuesday is going to be all mine. I've always thought I was low maintenance but lately I'm realizing how the simplest, easiest things make me happy. Knowing that I'll have 3 free hours in the morning is pretty much it.

Anything, Anything, Anything

I have a mountain of laundry to fold and other general blah straightening that's calling my name. Time to clean up after the typical weekend tornado has passed by. But, instead, I'm searching for something, anything to post about so I can avoid doing it. Unfortunately, I've got nothing but a vague dislike of Mondays and that doesn't help me get out of doing anything.

Rediscovering A Useless Skill I Didn't Know I Still Had

Liv was inconsolable this afternoon, so upset because she hasn't yet learned to do a cartwheel at the ripe old age of 4. I assured her that most 4 year olds can't do this (and secretly hoped I was right about this). Still, we trekked to the backyard for a lesson. The only problem: how do you explain how to do a cartwheel when there is no one around that can do one? So, I tried and tried to explain, tried to hold her while I explained, tried to just make her body move through the motions. Nothing, not even close. So, finally, I sucked up my pride and tucked in my shirt to demonstrate that even I can't do a cartwheel. Haven't even tried in probably 15 years. Skip, Hop, Over, Land on my feet. OH MY GOD! I can still do a cartwheel! Who would've thought? So, of course, after that, I had to cover the yard in cartwheels. Standing-still-slow cartwheels, running-fast cartwheels, jump-up-in-the-air-before-crashing into a clumsy cartwheel. Fun, Fun Saturday afternoon silliness. It wasn't pretty but it was awesomely awesome. Next weekend...Roundoffs...

How A Friday Becomes Much Better Than A Thursday

Start with a good night sleep and a day of no headache. Be convinced and happy to run 2 miles in a light rain. Get next week's errands done in advance. Catch up on mindless TV. Find out your husband is coming home for the weekend when you were thinking he'd be gone until next Friday night. Have a icy Pepsi with lunch and look forward to dinner out and an evening playing poker. The perfect weekend streak looks like it may be on its way to continuing...Thank you, thank you, thank you. That is what I needed.

Google Is My New Best Friend

Dear Google,
I love you. I want to marry you and have your babies. Thank you for making my day a tiny bit better. Because of your expertise (and a lot of experimentation on my part) my computer is now working beautifully. And that means a lot.

Not Exactly The Kind Of Day I Had Hoped For

Warning: The following is an irrational rant. You may want to cover your eyes until the ride comes to a full and complete stop.

What a stupid, stupid day so far. It's been a long time since I've been frustrated almost to the point of tears. But, today, it was a very close call. I somehow held it together and didn't throw things or break anything or even raise my voice above a normal level. So, now I have this huge weight sitting on my chest struggling to jump off and go crazy while I'm pretending that I'm not the "Crazy Lady." It's gotta get better by evening, right? So what if my computer is so screwy that I can't do important things like banking or watch "Dirty, Sexy Money." So what if the first words out of my daughter's mouth when I picked her up from school were "You're making me very angry." So what if I've had a migraine for 3 days in a row. So what if I'm tired of playing this role I've been thrust into for the past 10 months. I realize I ask for too much. It's not going to stop me from asking.

Biggest Disappointment Of The Morning

I just realized it's Wednesday, not Thursday like I'd thought. Although it's an endless week, I really had hoped I was a bit farther along in the endlessness of it all. Surely, tomorrow will really be Thursday, right? Right?

And, in other news, I can't get that Old Navy song outta my head. I don't know if it's because the air is a little crisp this morning or if it's because the chick that sings it is coming to town tonight but I just can't shake it...

If you are chilly, here take my sweater.

Your head is aching, I'll make it better.

'Cause I love the way you call me baby.

And you take me the way I am.

Finally, I Have Finished What I Started

This evening I happily closed the cover on Les Miserables for the last time. I was given two copies of this book by two separate people who told me that it was the greatest book of all time. Well, after 1463 endless pages, I can tell you that it was the most boring book I've ever read. The story, which I enjoyed, could have fit into 200 pages. The history and rhetoric? Mind numbing. It could drive a person insane (or at least to drink). Thank God it's over.

Remind Me Of The Definition Of Insanity One More Time

I thought today might be the day. For about 5 seconds this morning I actually thought that 11:11 might be returning to me. Perhaps my sincerity (or at least my persistence) had finally been enough to win it back again. But, alas, that small 5-second-bubble was burst soon enough and then, crushingly, I remembered that I never completed a pilgrimage to the clock yesterday at the right time.

Speaking Of Procrastination

I'm slowly realizing how far behind I've let myself fall in the past couple of months. Blaming the lazy days of summer is no longer an excuse; time to get back on track. Here's where I want to complain about my lack of help but I'll suck it up and get on with it :)

Another Almost Perfectly Perfect Weekend

One more and I'm going to call it a streak. Is it the endless margaritas? The beautiful weather? The return of good timing? Maybe I shouldn't question, just enjoy.

Thank You, Mr. Bartender. Next Time You're In Charge

Thanks for trying to fix my drink mistakes. Apparently, I'm the type of mixer who likes everyone to get drunk as quickly as possible. Dangerous stuff. After 3 drinks I'm already wondering - when do we start dancing?

Best Compliment I've Gotten All Week

"I saw the most beautiful sunset I've ever seen last night. It was probably one of the five most amazing things I've ever seen. I wish you'd been there because you are one of the few people in the world that would've appreciated how perfect it was."
I hope I'm always one of those people. I really do.

A Small Cloud Drifts In Front Of The Sun

Sometimes the smallest little things give me an unexpected twinge of sadness. It's almost like the melancholy was sitting there all along just waiting for a chance to pop up and let me know it's never hidden too far away. And, then, like that, the moment passes.

This Is Way More Entertaining Than Doing Something Productive

Even though I think the computer program has no idea what it's talking about you should still visit:

www.myheritage.com/FP/Company/tryFaceRecognition.php

Supposedly you upload a photo and it tells you which celebrity you resemble. I've been told I kind of look like Mary Steenburgen by a few people: which I could maybe see a little. But, somehow, this website thinks I look like Annie Lennox. I don't get it?

Either way, that was fun.

It's Been Too Long Since I Posted Random Lyrics And Today Is A Good Day To Do It

Oldie but goody heard on the radio today:

I don't mind the sun sometimes, the images it shows.

I can taste you on my lips and smell you in my clothes

Cinnamon and sugary and softly spoken lies.

You never know just how you look through other people's eyes.

Pepper - Butthole Surfers

Just When I Thought I Could Forget About Aliens They Visit Me Again

Either that or I've been sleepwalking. I'm not sure which is scarier. How else to explain the fact that my A/C was off when I woke up at 5 this morning and the computer had been restarted?

I Realize It's Not Serious Like Peanuts or Wheat or Shellfish But Still I'm Annoyed

It is October and I'm starting to fight allergies all over again. Itchy, watery eyes and 90 degree weather should not happen in October! And, though it sounds stupid, having eye allergies messes with my brain. I think I'm insanely sleepy because my eyes are tired and half closed most of the day from being irritated and my brain translates this into "Go to Sleep." Of course, once you actually get in bed and try to fall asleep you realize that you're not very tired at all. So then the question becomes, do you take allergy medicine which will make you sleepy for the next 12 hours? Or suffer through and think you're sleepy when you're not? Arrrggghhhh. When is autumn really going to get here????

I Probably Should Say I Wasn't Thinking About It But I Was

Must've been a continuation of the strange dream.

When The Fine Print Is Too Fine To Read, You Have To Ask

Can you get a raincheck for 12 minutes? Or, since they were free, was it a "first come - first served", "limited supply" offer? These are very important questions. Maybe there's an answer in my official stalker handbook...

Will The Momentum Of A Perfect Weekend Keep It Going?

One POS'd game down. One to go. How hard can it be?

Sometimes Doing The Unthinkable Is What You Have To Do

Today, I'm putting all differences aside. Today, I'm going against everything I know. Today, I'm gritting my teeth and biting my tongue.

Today, the Yankees and I are going to be friends. They better not let me down.

Exactly What I Needed

It was suggested that I blog about something but it's the middle of the night, I'm trying to sober up, and I've forgotten what it was I was supposed to write about. So, instead I'll just say that this is the kind of Saturday night I needed...I wasn't sure if they even still existed any more. And, yes, maybe I'm semi-lame-o now but that's because it's been a long time and I've forgotten what's what. Or at least that is the only excuse I can think of when I've had too much to drink. The good news is that the up-for-anything person I've missed reappeared for a few hours. I was beginning to think that he was a character I'd created in my head. If only I'd run those laps. I'd do it now...at 2:23 if I wasn't the only one awake. Guess I should throw in the towel...

Here's What I'm Thinking

If you find yourself able to resist singing along to The Pixies "Here Comes Your Man" you are a freak.

To Those Wiser Than Me

I should've listened to you. Big lunch + running = bad, bad times. When your goal is to make it home without puking, you know you probably didn't wait long enough before going out. But, I'm 2/3 of the way to another internet filled week and that is what really matters.

Eventually I'll Tire Of Trying

I've written and deleted about 7 posts in the past 12 hours. And I still haven't figured out what I'm trying to say. Grrrr...I'm getting my growl back. Friday, you are starting to piss me off.

A Week Without Internet Doesn't Sound So Bad

But for the greater good, tomorrow (and Saturday and Sunday) I will run. Or Something.

Maybe.

Wishful Thinking

The past two days have seen my thoughts flooded with ideas about vacations. Reality tells me that there's not even the slightest chance I'll get to go anywhere anytime soon but that hasn't kept me from looking. I've been checking out everything from Scotland to Norway, from Galapagos to an "Ancient Empires cruise", from Alaska to Disney World. I want to go anywhere but here where I only feel restless and unsteady. I need somewhere, something to distract me. Donations gladly accepted :)

Antihistamines Make You Crazy

At least your dreams become increasingly bizarre. Like the one where I'm Lindsay Lohan and my big decision for the day is choosing between McDonalds and Indian food for lunch. I (that is, Lindsay) choose McD's (which is crazy all by itself). I spend the rest of the dream trying to smuggle several bunches of bananas out of the restaurant. Weird.

Is There A Hidden Switch?

Either on or off

I wish I knew the secret

of where it resides

I Didn't Even Last A Week

An unexpected kid-free evening (except for the pup, of course) and the resolution to not eat out was quickly forgotten. But sitting on the floor eating take-out chinese food and watching a DVD shows that at least I'm a cheap date.

It Just Hit Me

I'll be dog sitting and going through IM withdrawal at the same time. This is crazy talk. A drink or two next Thursday will probably be what it takes to revive me (This is me being subtle so mark it on your calendar).

How To Be Cool And Disgusting At The Same Time

First, become covered in poison ivy (again) from the face down. Your 8 year old will make a point to let you know that while he still loves you, he doesn't want you to get too close because, let's face it, poison ivy is really gross.

Second, receive a summons for jury duty. This same 8 year old suddenly believes that you're a hero because you may or may not be a juror for a real live trial. "For real, Mom? You're getting to do that for real?? That's awesome."

Yep, that's me...awesome and gross all wrapped up into one Mom-ish package. Who knew it could be so easy?

In Case You Want To Know (aka The Plus And The Minus)

Never question my sense of timing or my weather predictions. There's no doubt that my stalkerbility is a natural instinct. But when it comes to essential things like geometry or reading people, I'm completely lost.

Tuesdays Are A Good Day For Cake

I want a girl with a mind like a diamond.

I want a girl who knows what's best

I want a girl with shoes that cut

and eyes that burn like cigarettes.

I want a girl with a short skirt and a loooooooooong jacket.

Short Skirt/Long Jacket - Cake

And So I Came Back Inside

Everything looks softly edged in the bright moonlight tonight. The shadows have gained a mysterious depth and even the frogs can't contain their happiness at the crispness of the evening air. I could have sat outside for hours just breathing it all in but the chill in the air doesn't lend itself to sitting alone. It whispers in your ear, telling you that this night is meant to be spent huddled under a blanket with someone else, keeping warm, watching the moon continue its climb.

It's Not 1000 Days But It's Gonna Feel Like It

After lamenting the lack of digits in the old bank account, I've decided to give up my one remaining luxury for 30 days. This is a biggie for me...we usually eat out once a week to curb my unhealthy need for chips and salsa, Chinese food, the perfect steak, or a deliciously greasy cheeseburger. So, here goes: NO eating out for 3o days. Let's see if I can make it until October 24th and save a little bit of money. I'm hungry just thinking about it...

Thanks To SpongeBobian Acronyms

I now know that I've been feeling lemony.

It Was Pretty Perfect

Saturday night was everything I wanted it to be. Laughing until our cheeks ached, watching K drink too much wine and transform into the funniest cuteness you can imagine, good food, and a drive that ended too soon. The compatibility of this group of friends was better than expected. Next time, we just need to add 2 more into the mix (hint, hint). So, the only thing left to complete the perfection of the weekend is dessert and that mythical game of checkers. One out of Two ain't bad.

Never Underestimate The Power Of Verbal Puppy Dog Eyes

They can hit a curveball out of the park. More proof that kindness is not overrated and that my husband's charms work even over the phone. The weekend is back on track.

I Guess I Spoke Too Soon

Now I'm the one getting the Friday afternoon curveball. Just when I think it's all going to be ok, Kentucky has to step in and shake me up. Where the heck is Harold, anyway? Apparently, it's beyond BFE. Dern.

The Happiness Found In A Friday

Beautiful weather, relaxing plans, only one day left to run this week. The potential for perfection draws me in and fills me up. Maybe my optimism isn't such a secret.

I'm Turning Off The Repeat

Moving on to a new song. Appropriate for 10:13 tonight.

Oh underneath I felt the fire of a burning question

tearing me apart

right from the very start

and now I see

that it don't take a trick

of the light to excite me.

Hold On - KT Tunstall

I Can't Tear Myself Away

I had some good, random song lyrics for today. But, suddenly, the sky is clouding up and I can't break away from yesterday's song. Wistful and promising with beautifully yearning violins. So, here I go, leaving it on repeat, watching the sky change from blue to gray, a bad habit that I don't want to overcome.

Green Should Be My Color

Because sometimes I find myself to be completely ridiculous.

Today's Song Addiction

When the world around you starts a-movin'

And you should wonder if I still love you,

If you feel a darkness coming, risin' inside

I'll make a light to guide you back home.

The Only Promise That Remains - Reba McEntire and Justin Timberlake

Wise Words From My 8 Year Old

"You need a reason to be sad. You never need a reason to be happy."

This, of course, is the same child who told our neighbor "You think being 4 is tough? Wait until you go to third grade." Ahhh, perspective!

I'm A Slacker, Too

I better get moving or I'll be singing the No Internet Blues next week.

Lyrically Random

The color of the sky as far as I can see is coal grey.

Lift my head from the pillow and then fall again.

With a shiver in my bones just thinking about the weather.

A quiver in my lips as if I might cry.

Like the Weather - 10,000 Maniacs

Maybe Practical Is Better

There's interest brewing about our house. Big interest. Coincidence that it happened after I started wishing mostly practical wishes? I think not.

Now, if only I could get all the other wishes to work the way I want them to...

Internal Alarm Clock

It's very dark at 2am lying in bed, breathing softly, listening for sounds of stealth.

Shut Your Eyes And Sing To Me

Believe it or not, I'm always paying attention.

Someone Forgot To Teach Me How To Do This Correctly

Another week begins. Hope there isn't a pop quiz. I never study.

A Stuffy Head

Makes me think crazy thoughts. Like I want to sell our house today and move tomorrow. Even a tall, hot mocha doesn't take away the feeling that I can't live here any more. (At least until next week) I'm such a whiner when I don't feel good. Maybe checkers would help...or ice cream...or an EP...

Now I Know

When you have the gift of impeccable timing it apparently extends to weather, too. That's good to know for the next time I need to make a bet. Although as terrible as I feel today, I probably could've used the medicinal effects of losing.

One Thing

No matter what I say, of all the things I am, I've never even been close to being

Indifferent.

Not once. About anything.

Peering Over The Edge

The frustration that comes from knowing what needs to be done and not doing it. It's an never ending circle of thinking. Procrastination is what I do so well even when the only thing left standing is the next step. But, instead of moving, all I want to know is - when will my turn come?

An Idiot's Haiku

My stomach recoils

Because I may be losing

A bet about rain

What I Need (or at least what I want)

I need a haiku. Nothing profound or extraordinary or awe-inspiring. Just a few syllables laid out neatly in 3 rows. But, in this hand, my mind has drawn a blank.

Standing There I Realized

I was feeling useless. This explains so much.

Another RL - This Time On A Thursday

It's funny how you just break down

Waitin' on some sign.

I pull up to the front of your driveway

with magic soakin' my spine.

Can you read my mind?

Read My Mind - Killers

I Can See The Weekend On The Horizon

Woke up this morning to the sounds of birds through my open window. I love fall!!! I didn't have a headache, everyone woke up in a good mood. Now if the rest of the day can continue that trend I can make it until tomorrow night.

RL

I've been looking so long at these pictures of you

that I almost believe that they're real.

I've been living so long with my pictures of you

that I almost believe that the pictures are all I can feel.

Pictures of You - Cure

That's The Kind Of Cleaning I Like

Today our living room was the scene for an elaborate game that involved unfolding lots of maps and placing them into various piles. I'm not sure what rules the game followed or even what the point was but it kept a four year old busy for 45 minutes so it must've been pretty exciting. After she got bored, I got the job of playing the "Picker Upper" because folding maps isn't always easy and I'd prefer that they stay in one piece. I'm such a sucker for maps. I enjoyed looking at them while folding as much as she enjoyed her fancy game. There are so many places I want to go and so many things to see. And that was just the 17 US maps plus one for the Caribbean. Think of how restless I would be feeling if she had found the others...

I Need A Vacation From Myself

Day 3 of steady headaches. I guess a two week stretch is coming around again. It seems like these streaks keep getting closer and closer together. All I want to do is sleep and still I wake up exhausted and confused. I need to sleep by the ocean, listening to the waves, allowing them to penetrate into my dreams. Then, wake up and sit in the sun with a perfectly meaningless book and a cold drink. Wish I could leave today...I'm freezing.

Random Song Lyrics, Of Course

Did you look up at the stars and feel something for the constellations?
All those lovers round their swings and arrows,
dogs and lions separating touch from touch,
the comedy of distance, the tragedy of separation.

Right Moves - Josh Ritter

They Should Do That Every Week

Soccer practice during a torrential downpour? We had so much fun. I've never laughed so hard or been so happy to be watching kids doing drills. Sure, we arrived home cold and drenched but you know I never turn down a chance to spend time in the rain. Way to make them stick it out, Coach.

Random Song Lyrics for a Monday

If you want to destroy my sweater

Pull this thread as I walk away

Watch me unravel

I'll soon be naked

Lying on the floor

I come undone.

Weezer

I Realize It Now

After days and days and days of denial, I realize I must be wishing for the wrong things. Even ridiculous has its limits. So, from now on, practical wishing only. Maybe I'll wait and start tomorrow...

Who Cares About Flying?

Why is it that I seem to be the only one who would choose to read minds if given the choice of super powers? I'm not good with subtleties or vague responses. I just want to know what everyone is thinking. Really thinking.

I Know It's Simple But...

I don't know of a better way to start a weekend morning - conquering the giant front yard hill with a push mower, coming inside for a scalding hot shower, and drying off dozing naked under a ceiling fan because the house is completely empty and quiet. It's not a lot but it's good.

My Impeccable Timing Strikes Again

Two postings consisting of psycho rambling and rage that I managed to delete before anyone saw. Inhale, Exhale. It actually works.

Random Song Lyric #29

She says forget what you have to do

pretend there's nothing

outside this room.

Like an idea she came to me

but she came too late

or maybe too soon.

She Says - Ani Difranco

I Know It Makes No Sense

But I never really liked perfect. Last night was no exception. They say that sometimes you have to try a food a dozen times before you appreciate the taste. So, I'll keep chewing and swallowing with a smile on my face and maybe soon enough I'll ask for it everytime.

Random Song Lyric #115

In my head all morning:

For when my hand was holding hers

She whispered words and I awoke

And faintly bouncing around the room

The echo of whomever spoke

Bouncing Around The Room - Phish

Just So You Know

Because I can respect a good soapbox every now and then, I didn't run with the iPod today. I didn't run at all, actually...but, I did go for a walk before coming inside and riding a bike that never goes anywhere interesting. So, that counts, I think. 3 days of exercise. Week One of the bet is over!!!!

Oh! Guess I Was Wrong

I didn't realize that I had two posts still in draft form. So, this is post 100. Oh well, all that previous excitement was for nothin'...

I Think I Post Too Much

I hit 100, ONE HUNDRED, posts today. Wow, my first blogging milestone. Sweeeeeeeeet!

And, now for the bad news, my throat hurts. I couldn't possibly be getting sick right before EP5, could I? That is not even an option. Because this EP has no choice but to be AandAA, even better than GOGP topped with Bryer's strawberry ice cream. I have POS on my side.

Not So Random Song Lyric #47 1/2

You can call me Pavlov's dog.

Ring a bell and I'll salivate. How'd you like that?

Brian Wilson - BNL

It Seemed Like A Good Idea At The Time

Running Day Two. In case you wondered...although Flathead seems like the perfect song to get you moving faster, it's not very helpful when you have to keep singing and air drumming while trying to run.

And, in other good news, our phone is now working normally!! Yay! No more phantom rings or weird noises on the other end. Thanks, Embarq...it only took you a week and a half to look at it.

Dern vs. Confluence?

Sometimes, a perfect day is full of imperfections. Sometimes, the things you say are more than you realize. Sometimes, a wish becomes airborne before you've even formed the words.

Random Song Lyric #61

Shut your eyes and think of somewhere,
somewhere cold and caked in snow.
By the fire we break the quiet,
learn to wear each other well.

Shut Your Eyes - Snow Patrol

Because This Is What I Do

I take what I find and run with every thread I can hold onto. When the end comes I pull and pull until I'm left with nothing but pieces, wondering what happened.

And The World's Best Mom Award Goes To...

Not me. A rough back-to-school morning where everything went wrong but we pulled it off just in time.

As for the rest of the day...now I'm sitting here feeling myself slowly starting to slide down that giant hill again. But, I'm trying, really fighting, to make it around the corner, back up to where I had been.

And I Didn't Even Die

Day One of Running completed. Only 8 gazillion more to go. I think someone added extra hills into the neighborhood when I wasn't looking...

Random Song Lyric #12

You must learn to stand your ground
It's not healthy to run at this pace
The blood runs so red to my face
I've been to every single book I know
To soothe the thoughts that plague me so.

Be Still My Beating Heart - Sting

Random Song Lyric #47

Call it impulsive, call it compulsive, call it insane,
but when I'm surrounded I just can't stop.

Brian Wilson -- Barenaked Ladies

This Is How A Week Ends And Begins

Silent treatment and phony smiles. I love it when I'm a disappointment, especially when I don't even remember the moment when I chose to disappoint. But I'll bite my tongue and not say what I'm thinking - Suck it up, crybaby. You could have it worse.

Thanks, But I Don't Want Any Chicken...Well, Maybe Just One Bite

I hated to sneak away from my wonderful Saturday night like a thief this morning. But it was 8am and time to head home, back to reality. I needed a night like that...an old friend, great memories, sitting by a fire and laughing until I cried. Just remember (and I will, too), there are worse things than being content. And, sometimes, happiness stops by for a visit when you least expect it.

How Many Runs Is That?

Even with injuries and bug bites that mysteriously multiply, I can't imagine much that is better than watching kickball on a summer evening. The laughing, the teams that randomly shrink or expand based on little girls' whims, the smack of the red ball against bare legs, the bases that move back each inning, questionable calls by the ump, and chants of "I'm a wienie, I'm a wienie, I lose". Another reason why summer should not end.

Secret Fantasy #23

Selfishly, I want to tear up lists, run away, and start over while the rest of the world stops and waits for my return.

Because I will return.

I always do.

I Can't Believe She Bit Me!

Why is it that the craziest, funniest, best dreams happen while I'm napping? Good times, man, good times.

Shut Your Mouth, Crazy Lady

Sometimes I find myself to be so blindingly stubborn I can think of nothing else. Replays over and over in my head until I can barely remember to breathe.

Looking At The Glass As Half Full

Good things that happened today:

1. Waking up to 3 giggly girls who couldn't contain their noise no matter how hard they tried.
2. Lunch with my mom complete with dessert and a present.
3. Thought provoking conversation with J about religion and intelligence and humor. (Not all at the same time!)
4. An unexpected kid-free afternoon and nap.
5. Beautiful weather to sit on the deck and just be quiet.
6. My phone works again!
7. I haven't been kicked off the Internet for at least 30 minutes.
8. A four year old telling me I have the best neck she's ever seen.
9. A bag of books to keep me busy for at least 2 months.
10. The promise of warm bread coming soon.

Hmmm...suddenly, I'm having a hard time remembering why I was feeling overwhelmed and frustrated earlier...

Neruda

Flipping through poetry I haven't glanced at in 10 years...

Sonnet VI

Lost in the forest, I broke off a dark twig

and lifted its whisper to my thirsty lips:

maybe it was the voice of the rain crying,

a cracked bell, or a torn heart.

Something from far off: it seemed

deep and secret to me, hidden by the earth,

a shout muffled by huge autumns,

by the moist half-open darkness of the leaves.

Wakening from the dreaming forest there, the hazel - sprig

sang under my tongue, its drifting fragrance

climbed up through my conscious mind

as if suddenly the roots I had left behind

cried out to me, the land I had lost with my childhood --

and I stopped, wounded by the wandering scent.