Fine

So I might just be the dumbest human in the world. Or the worst wisher, perhaps.

I finally fulfilled one of last year's New Year's Resolutions. I promised that I'd go get an annual physical. Something I hadn't done since I was 18. I rarely get sick and longevity runs in my family so I just hadn't made it a point to get things like my cholesterol and blood pressure checked. I knew I should but...eh...I can procrastinate like nobody's business.

This year I actually had a financial incentive to get it done. J's company offers a good chunk of money if you get a physical and all "age-appropriate" tests done. So, look at me go! I made my appointment and went to the doctor. 9 months before the last minute! I'm pretty sure this is an anti-procrastinating record for me. One of my concerns (and big pushes to go ahead and make the appointment) was my constant fatigue. I am tired all the damn time. When I take a nap and don't set the alarm, it's not unusual for me to sleep for 3 or 4 hours and wake up barely feeling better than I did before I laid down. I cancel plans because I'm too tired. I don't get as much done as I should because I can't shake the yawns and sleepy eyes and the call of the bed. This has been going on way too long. I constantly feel guilty because I want to sleep.

And so I went to my appointment with my new doctor. I instantly liked her. She was attentive and spent a huge amount of time with me. She gave me the standard exam and then we started talking about my fatigue. She asked about my sleep habits and my state of mind. We talked about family history in case that offered any clues. And, finally, she ordered a bunch of tests.

I know it's silly but I was so anxious for all that blood work. I just knew they'd find the answer and then I could fix the problem. My blood pressure? Fantastic. My cholesterol? Excellent. Blood sugar? Good. Thyroid? Good. Iron levels? Normal. Liver function? Yep. Good. And on and on and on. Test after test and everything is great. She even tested me for early signs of lupus (because my grandmother has it). I got those results today and, again, everything is fine.

I'm perfectly healthy, apparently. And, I'm grateful for that. I really, really am. Please don't think I'm wishing for bad health. I just want to know why I feel so tired all the time. I honestly couldn't tell you a time when I felt good. When I felt like I had energy. Surely, this isn't normal? My hair has become crazy thin and I'm tired and all my tests are good. I guess this is just the point where I suck it up and live with being "fine." Being healthy but feeling unhealthy.

How dumb am I to be bummed by weeks of testing showing that everything looks great? Sounds like I need to take a little time to really sit back and count my blessings. After all, I know that being careful what you wish for is a very important lesson and I may have lucked out this time.