Early Morning Quiet

For the past two nights I've been up late and the weather has been perfect for sitting outside wrapped in nothing but a blanket. Hey, don't judge, I'm home alone and can do what I want :) This morning, around 1:30, I was standing outside, thinking I should go to bed before my early meeting with the moving company guy but I couldn't leave the darkness. The stars were unusually bright and twinkly for summer and the Milky Way was a clear path across the sky. The wind was the slightest bit chilly and I was thinking about changing seasons and how soon my autumn will come in a new town, with new faces, my old friends stuck in my head. But, this morning, with the stars and the frogs, the reflecting lights of the houses across the lake shining on the water, the random dog barks, the flutter of a moth against my arm, all made me realize how sad I am to be leaving this place. I'm going to miss that old, wobbly deck and the thinking and wishing and crying and laughing I've done out there. I'm going to miss driving west and looking at the mountains covered with fog in the mornings. I'm going to miss walking through this damn hilly neighborhood, dodging speeding cars and lunging dogs pulling at their chains. I'm going to miss calling up the neighbors to ask to borrow a stick of butter or offer a poker invitation. I'm going to miss the kids running through the backyard, bugging me with their endless questions. I'm going to miss the friends I'm afraid are slipping away and the new ones I'm only starting to get to know. I'm going to miss the weeds and the poison ivy and the killer mosquitoes that search me out the instant I step outside. I'm sad to be going and the knot in my stomach doesn't seem to want to go away. I'm sure the new place will be great with its tennis and swimming and fancy fitness room. I'm sure the 5 minute drive to anywhere will be a welcome relief. I'm sure the never-empty bed in the middle of the night will be easy to get used to. In some ways, I'm anxious to move forward but I can't help looking back. You know I'm not good at letting go.

I Hate To Admit It

But this has been me this weekend...ahh, the joys of being stressed and grouchy.

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