A friend said to me recently, "No one brags about being content." And it's true. But maybe we should. After all, being happy-happy can't last forever, right? You have to have downs to feel the ups more completely. Content is more long term, isn't it? I've complained about unhappily content since before this blog was born when instead maybe I should be nothing but grateful for such ease of mind. GW, if you still read, what do you think? Are you happy or content or something else? Is content really that bad, after all? I really want to know...
Thursday, July 16, 2009
Wonderland
So I had a really rough morning. I'm not sure why. There's nothing going on that should cause such a morning. In fact, if I'm being honest, everything has been sweet and good. But, it's been rough somehow. I think part of it, part of why I found myself sitting on the bathroom floor sobbing, is because I find myself feeling like these good things are happening to me because no one really knows I'm undeserving of them. I then feel this pressure to live up to what I think these expectations are and I get stressed out and break down. It's ridiculous, of course. If someone loves me then they know who I am, many, many flaws and all. I find myself being wishy-washy and not knowing what to do or who to be or what to think and I cry; too much lately for someone that feels that things are pretty good. I think mostly I'm confused. Confused about lots of things and lots of feelings and, damn, I just wish I didn't live in my head so much!! I'm tired of whining about things when there is nothing left to whine about. So today when one of my Facebook friends posted the quote below as his status it finally hit me. Maybe I just need to pick a path.
Alice came to a fork in the road. "Which road do I take?" she asked. "Where do you want to go?" responded the Cheshire cat. "I don't know," Alice answered. "Then," said the cat, "it doesn't matter." ~Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland
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