Frustration, Slackdom, and Actually Really Trying

Like everything in my life, after a while I get to the point where I'm just done...just for a little while but in definite need of a break. I realized I was at that point with blogging when people were giving me a hard time when I went more than 2 days between posts. It became more about them and less about me. I just fell off the face of the earth for a little while. I'm still not really ready or interested in resuming that other blog just yet. But, the past few days I've felt the need to vent my frustrations and so I was drawn here. Back to my old comfortable blog, filled with memories and feelings good and bad.

So, while I may have been slacking with blogging I have not been slacking (too much) with my weight loss efforts. And I'm sosososososososo frustrated! I know, I know, I've sang this song and danced this dance before..."I'm gonna get healthy, I'm gonna work out, blahdeeblahblah." But, I've been watching what I eat for awhile now. And over the past couple years I have dropped 20 pounds. First rant? How can someone lose 20 pounds and still wear the same size pants? Seriously? It makes me hate those people that say "I lost 10 pounds and dropped 6 sizes." What? 20 pounds!! Sure, my pants are baggier but they are the same. freaking. size. I hit a plateau around Christmas and have only lost maybe 2 pounds since then. So, yeah, I know I need to exercise. Even though I hate making time for it. But, that's ok. What's 30, 45, or 60 minutes a day? I can spare that. Especially knowing that I absolutely hate the way I look and feel. I can do this. And so I started. Last week I started and I did ok. I exercised 6 out of 7 days. Even on the day that I felt like every single inch of my body hurt I did some sweat inducing yoga...figuring the stretching would help me feel better and I'd at least be doing something. So, I'm eating the same and now I've added weights and cardio to my day. And, yes, I realize it's only been a week but when I stepped on the scale yesterday and again today to find that I'd gained 2 pounds...sigh...it makes me want to give up already.

I realize that this is the time when I really need to dig in but, dammit!, I'm from a generation that loves instant gratification. I don't need to lose 5 pounds that first week but a quarter pound or a half pound would've been nice. What kind of motivation is gaining 2 pounds?? All that pain (4 days of barely being able to walk across the house) for nothing? Grrrr! I want to lose between 15 and 20 more pounds and this is a terrible start. I just want to lose 1 pant size. I want my self-esteem to not be lying on the floor. *Sigh* I'm not giving up yet. After all, it's only been a week. All the grouchiness over this has only made me want to try harder. But, man, next week I better see some results!!