Dear Mystery Cat,

I want you to know how much I appreciate your heartfelt gifts. The bird foot and pile of feathers you left on the front porch last week were such a surprise. I felt bad for removing them so quickly. Please know I put them in a very special place.
And then, this morning, a Monday morning no less, you brought me a perfectly intact, un-chewed on, dead mole. It was so lovely to find this on my sidewalk when I stepped outside.
Dear Mystery Cat, I do not know why I have become the object of your affection. Surely I do not deserve such beautiful gifts that must have taken you so much time and effort to pick out for me. But, Mystery Cat, ours is a love that can never be. Perhaps, and I say this gently, you should move on to someone who will be better able to give you the attention you need. I hear my neighbors really, really love cats...

I'll miss you.

Fondly,

MML