Ignoring the Voice In My Head

I woke up this morning with thoughts of editing already in my head. It's a little early in the game to be thinking this way. There's no way I've grown past making a fool of myself. So, for now, I'll just type spontaneously and forget to look back...

Resolutions

Or maybe I should call it accountability. I'm not a big believer in New Year's Resolutions. I mean, I like resolving to do things. I just don't think it's necessary to wait until January 1st to do it.

And now I'm completely distracted by my dog, who has apparently gotten a piece of gum from somewhere. I'm not sure whether to wrestle it away from her or to just sit and be entertained.

And now the phone is ringing. How can I resolve anything with all this going on?

OK, so where was I? Oh, right, resolutions. I don't usually do them but I'm thinking maybe I should. I mean, I need to do all the regular things: exercise more, eat less, find more happiness in everyday moments, and work on getting our finances in better order (i.e. - save more, spend less). But, there are other things I need to work on, too. We are getting ready to start our home improvement projects. Which means I have lots to learn. And I can't wait! I also need to make more time for friends. I need to play more with my kids. I need to go to the doctor. I need to start a vegetable garden. There are a million billion things I want to do or need to do. So, I guess I'll think about it and consider making a short list of goals for the year. I'll have to get back to you on this...

Dear Vodka,

Oh, you make me say things that shouldn't be said. You convince me to share secrets that are better left tucked away. You make me forget myself or at least who I'm supposed to be.

But, you know what? Sometimes there is a strange sort of freedom and relief in that.

At least that's the story I'm sticking with...for now.

Best Regards,

The MML

P.S. - Thanks for not giving me a headache.

Trying It On For Size...Again

Apparently I only blogged one time in 2010. I think I should be rewarded for such amazing lack of motivation! It's not that I didn't want to write but...hmm...I think sometimes you are lucky enough to be surrounded by people that you share everything with, tell anything to, and become your complete self around. When you're that lucky, you don't necessarily have anything left that you NEED to share with the world. But I guess that doesn't mean that I shouldn't blog. Goodness knows, I need to use my brain more. Lately I'm pretty sure it's turning to mush. And, so, here I go. Attempting to blog again, for good or for bad...

Frustration, Slackdom, and Actually Really Trying

Like everything in my life, after a while I get to the point where I'm just done...just for a little while but in definite need of a break. I realized I was at that point with blogging when people were giving me a hard time when I went more than 2 days between posts. It became more about them and less about me. I just fell off the face of the earth for a little while. I'm still not really ready or interested in resuming that other blog just yet. But, the past few days I've felt the need to vent my frustrations and so I was drawn here. Back to my old comfortable blog, filled with memories and feelings good and bad.

So, while I may have been slacking with blogging I have not been slacking (too much) with my weight loss efforts. And I'm sosososososososo frustrated! I know, I know, I've sang this song and danced this dance before..."I'm gonna get healthy, I'm gonna work out, blahdeeblahblah." But, I've been watching what I eat for awhile now. And over the past couple years I have dropped 20 pounds. First rant? How can someone lose 20 pounds and still wear the same size pants? Seriously? It makes me hate those people that say "I lost 10 pounds and dropped 6 sizes." What? 20 pounds!! Sure, my pants are baggier but they are the same. freaking. size. I hit a plateau around Christmas and have only lost maybe 2 pounds since then. So, yeah, I know I need to exercise. Even though I hate making time for it. But, that's ok. What's 30, 45, or 60 minutes a day? I can spare that. Especially knowing that I absolutely hate the way I look and feel. I can do this. And so I started. Last week I started and I did ok. I exercised 6 out of 7 days. Even on the day that I felt like every single inch of my body hurt I did some sweat inducing yoga...figuring the stretching would help me feel better and I'd at least be doing something. So, I'm eating the same and now I've added weights and cardio to my day. And, yes, I realize it's only been a week but when I stepped on the scale yesterday and again today to find that I'd gained 2 pounds...sigh...it makes me want to give up already.

I realize that this is the time when I really need to dig in but, dammit!, I'm from a generation that loves instant gratification. I don't need to lose 5 pounds that first week but a quarter pound or a half pound would've been nice. What kind of motivation is gaining 2 pounds?? All that pain (4 days of barely being able to walk across the house) for nothing? Grrrr! I want to lose between 15 and 20 more pounds and this is a terrible start. I just want to lose 1 pant size. I want my self-esteem to not be lying on the floor. *Sigh* I'm not giving up yet. After all, it's only been a week. All the grouchiness over this has only made me want to try harder. But, man, next week I better see some results!!